If you are reading this website, you probably imagine yourself to be a civilized person. Or, if not civilized, perhaps you aspire to be. However, if you were married after Labor Day, I must bear you some bad news: you are not fully civilized. While you might not sink to the level of the pygmy in the Congo or the brain eating headhunters of New Guinea, or even that lowest level of humanity, the utter barbarism of the modern urban dwelling yankee, the nature of your matrimonial celebrations marks you for suspicion. Whether it is purgatory or merely a probationary status, you remain only partially civilized.The fact that you do not understand where I am going with this should be a clear sign that you have not achieved the highest level of grace and refinement that we call civilization. For if you were truly civilized, you would not need it explained to you that fall weddings is something that is just not done.
At least not in a civilized society. And by civilized society, I of course mean the South.
If you are part of our Southern society, you know perfectly well why we do not have our weddings in the fall. It is for religious reasons, you see. At least that is the easiest way for me to approximate it to you—not that I assume you know much about religion, but you at least might have a little reverence for such sacred matters. And yet by calling it a religious matter somewhat cheapens the thing, for in reality for many it means a great deal more. However, using the language and trappings of the sacred and the religious should get the point across.
What is this sacred and religious tradition that requires the civilized to not participate in fall weddings? The answer is blindingly obvious: fall is football season. If you do not understand the meaning that has for those of us in the South you are most likely either ill-bred, ill-mannered, or clumsy and un-athletic sort who was never made to play at sports. Most likely it’s some toxic combination of all three.
Fall weddings are above all rude, and in a polite and genteel society that all right minded folk should aspire to be a part of, there are few things graver than rudeness. A wedding is not simply showing up at a church for an hour on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. It is a grand affair usually involving the entire weekend. If that is not the case for the weddings you are used to attending, I’m sorry to inform you that you might have been the victim of a rather cruel and unfortunate practical joke.
Because of the time commitment involved in attending a wedding, not to mention the even greater obligations of being in the wedding party, and when you consider that each school only has twelve games a year, robbing someone of a twelfth of that season is rude and selfish to an extreme level. And while each team will have one or two games against cupcake teams, and missing those games is not much of a sacrifice for your guests, the odds are that, since your social circle consists of fans and alumni of multiple schools, there will never be a single weekend in the fall where every single team is playing a cupcake.
Earlier I had mentioned that attending a wedding is not some minor event, but requires an entire weekend. I must also remind our less civilized readers that attending a football game is an undertaking of similar longevity. It is not simply a matter of showing up at the stadium and cheering your team for three or four hours. Even if you live in the same town, which is unlikely if you are an employed professional, there is still the matter of hosting out of town guests and visitors the night before, tailgating the morning and sometimes the afternoon of the game, the postgame barbecues, parties, bar-crawls (or all three), and the obligatory breakfast or brunch the morning after. That is more or less the same itinerary for any decently planned and civilized wedding.
Now, if you have made it this far I hope you have understood how utterly rude, selfish, narcissistic, condescending, and demeaning it is to impose on your friends, relatives, friends of relatives, and relatives of friends to obligate them to attending a wedding in the fall when they would much rather be cheering on their alma mater on an idyllic campus somewhere in the South, where the beer is cold, the bourbon is strong, and the girls get hotter (and the skirts get shorter) every year.
If you still want to go through with your wedding plans, you are an asshole. Fall weddings are an abomination. They have no place in a civilized society. And if you think they are a good idea, perhaps you don’t have a place in one either.
Fall Weddings Are An Abomination
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Was at a resort in Gatlinburg a few weeks back. Some idiot couple getting married on the Third Saturday in October. Seriously. What kind of savage does that?
Is gay marriage legal in Tennessee?
As a Christian, I’m sure you will be able to cite the relevant Bible passages regarding God’s wrath against fall weddings. Please, by all means, demonstrate your knowledge of the Good Book in this regard.
See, what you are doing is exactly what SJW’s do…projecting and triggering. You arbitrarily decide what is “civilized”, then craft arguments in that vein. Yet, you clearly fall outside of the domain of white Christian southern gentleman.
Are you triggered, sweetheart?
This ain’t your safe space, darling.
Put on your big girl panties.
If you hear a whistling sound, that’s the point going over your head
I recall a certain verse about women keeping quiet while the men are talking
Football coach who grew up in the South here. Got married on October 1. We just had our 22nd anniversary. We went to the Venitian in Vegas to see John Fogerty. The rest of the time we watched college football on the three huge flat screens in our suite. (Mostly). Heck if I didn’t have my anniversary as an excuse to get out of town right at the start of league, I’d go nuts.
But, if we were living in Mississippi, there’s no way we could have gotten away with it unless we got hitched at an actual game. I probably would have opted for that.
Here in Wisconsin, my family at least, frowns upon fall events too. Our reason is deer hunting. I’d be surprised if your love of college football is as time consuming as our deer hunting.
What about December (between conference championships and the bowls)?
Bah, I disagree entirely. If you are a good christian, your woman will be pregnant within three hours of the end of ceremonies. Early fall allows her to spend the early months of pregnancy in the wintertime, and the worst unpleasantness occurs well after april showers… no walking on icy sidewalks or blowing rain while she’s as big as a house!
Worship negro gladiators fighting over a piece of leather all you wish, but civilized sports like Hockey start long after your wedding planning is done.
“If you are a good christian, your woman will be pregnant within three hours of the end of ceremonies.”
Magic sperm indeed.
“Early fall allows her to spend the early months of pregnancy in the wintertime, and the worst unpleasantness occurs well after april showers… no walking on icy sidewalks or blowing rain while she’s as big as a house!”
Summer is miserable for pregnant women.
No, you should be horny as hell and have a huge backlog. I was being facetious, but most of my ‘good christian friends’ had their new wives pregnant within a month of the ceremony, sometimes within mere days.
And misery is vastly less important than not slipping on icy or wet concrete and having a miscarriage.
GCM, no reference needed. It is well known that God does not like rudeness. He is a kind and loving God and wants us to be the same. Having a wedding during a time when people prefer to sit on their asses for hours at a time, yelling, flooding themselves with gluttony, and man hugs and chest bumps is absolutely rude. You just don’t do that to people. Also, who wants to have a wedding when people are sleeping earphones and glancing at their phones often instead of paying attention to the wedding? No one.
“GCM, no reference needed. It is well known that God does not like rudeness. He is a kind and loving God and wants us to be the same.
Actually, there is a reference required. Is it not rude to for a Christian to insist to another Christian that their decision before the Lord to marry is characterized as other than civilized?
Show me where fall weddings in the Bible is deemed uncivilized by the Lord.
“Having a wedding during a time when people prefer to sit on their asses for hours at a time, yelling, flooding themselves with gluttony, and man hugs and chest bumps is absolutely rude.”
I take this as satire. The preference is for Christians to celebrate the harvest of God’s love by a man and a woman’s union.
“You just don’t do that to people. Also, who wants to have a wedding when people are sleeping earphones and glancing at their phones often instead of paying attention to the wedding? No one.”
Then those in attendance are simply not Christians, but are rudely interrupting a ceremony merely to be entertained by outside interests rather than focus on God’s work in real time.
“Then those in attendance are simply not Christians, but are rudely interrupting a ceremony merely to be entertained by outside interests rather than focus on God’s work in real time.”
Show me in the Bible where God says that.
Are we a six-year-old having a temper tantrum, Southron? Let’s stick to the point rather than go all-SJW and deviate from the actual point.
Show me where fall weddings in the Bible is deemed uncivilized by the Lord. That is the claim made by a “Christian”.
People have weddings with close family members and friends, who were taught by their religious leaders how to properly conduct themselves at this event. Sleeping in the pew, focusing on their phones to get scores, or talking about betting lines while the ceremony is taking place is other than civilized behavior, and would clearly be condemned by God. Do you honestly believe differently?
Civilisation or niggerball: pick one.
“Civilisation or niggerball: pick one.”
Hey sugartits… nice of you to stop by. A lot of sports will be covered on this site. Pull this shit in the threads and you’re spammed.
Savvy?
A lot of alt-right sites are patient with this stuff.
We aren’t.
So which is the actual issue?
Accurate description of a modern bread and circus used to control?
Or the use of a historic noun?
If you want to be Men of the West, then plan your weddings around genuine Western traditions that contributed to building and maintaining the civilization.
You have a Knight in armor harness as your avatar. Do you know anything about it? The techniques he actually used in battle? Have you made any attempt to properly wield a sword or a halbard? To learn the techniques of Johannes Liechtenauer or Joachim Meyer?
You have this as part of your mission statement:
“To unify them across Christendom to steel them against the barbarians who are either at the gates, or already inside them. We will celebrate, defend, and expand Western Civilization and the values and traditions that created it.”
So you do the exact opposite by sanctifying and celebrating a game played by the barbarians inside your gates to the point you demand that Christians plan their nuptials around them? You’ve literally elevated that Game to the level of a Sacrement of Matrimony before the Lord our God.
Zip it skippy. Football is American culture. Its an American sport, created and played almost exclusively by Americans. it is a vital community building tool that we will can and will leverage in our favor.
Please spam the Hezekiah dude over on the inaugural post, if you’re so inclined. He’s commented five times in the last 10 minutes and getting to be a real pain
Apologies. He’s been over on the “On Christianity post”
I grew up in a college football town. It is a very serious college football town up North. The town revolves around football. Now, I like the going to games, however I realized years ago that spending your entire weekends involved in the pageantry and circumstance doesn’t really accomplish much. And I’ve gone to weddings instead of games, even fairly important games, but really not had an issue with it, because they were my real community.
A single wedding does more to build Western culture than a football game does if they go on to have children. Western civilization can easily survive without Football, in fact it was built without it. It cannot survive without marriages which produce children.
Also, is this the Southron hospitality and manners we can expect for comments and discussion that bring up valid counter-points?
Rugby season starts in Feb. (high summer) and ends in November (late spring). In the roaring forties where I live you bloody well wait for Summer to wed, so that your fellow attendees don’t get soaked or snowed upon. You want reliable weather, that is weather well after the new year.
And U Tennessee of Alabama, both over anything from Mississippi.
I thought the schools and colleges only played on Friday’s and Saturday’s in the south? It’s not like anybody watches NFL games on TV anymore since they’ve gone anti-American and anti-male. So I’d think Sunday weddings would be okay? Especially if you have a good BBQ afterwards.
So I’d think Sunday weddings would be okay? Especially if you have a good BBQ afterwards.
Where do you hold the wedding on a Sunday? How do your guests travel home in time for work on Monday?
Yeah, Football is a waste.
And so am I for necromancy commenting
Oh we still see the comments on old posts, too. BTW, we have another article on football: https://www.menofthewest.net/on-the-greatness-of-football/
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