Beast Life – The Squat

 
The Squat is the mother of all lower body exercises. It is in fact the only one you will ever need, outside of shaping exercises for advanced body building purposes. But the squat sucks. It is brutal. It puts tremendous stress on most of your body and can be fairly dangerous if not done correctly. You may be asking yourself why anyone should do this instead of other safer exercises that put less stress on your body. Let me enumerate the reasons:

• Because you’re not a sissy boy dick licker. You’re a fucking beast. Beasts don’t cry about shit like safety and comfort. They only care about two things; not being killed by savages before you can kill them and mating as much as possible.
• Because women actually do like squats. Any woman who is into fitness and weight lifting does squats because squats build big beautiful female asses, and all women want one. You don’t want to be out lifted by any woman ever.
• Because having strong legs will mean the difference between life and death in a fight with the savage enemies of the west. Any attempt to shove you or tackle you will be thwarted by your powerful legs and developed sense of balance. Most fights will go to the ground, and ground power comes from your lower body.

Now, to begin with, I don’t recommend that you do squats anywhere but a full cage squat rack. At least not until you’ve gotten a lot more experience with the exercise and can recognize the different sensations that your body will feel at different weights and rep intensity. Using a full cage rack allows you to set depth bars that will catch the weight if you go down and can’t get back up.
Put on a weight lifting belt, and make it tight. Lower back support is vital.
First, set the hooks at a level slightly lower than your shoulders. Place the bar in the hooks. Set the safety bars at a level that is about mid way between your knees and waist. Now get under the bar and start getting your position. You want to grab the bar as close to your shoulders as you can without discomfort. Concentrate on pinching your shoulders back as you do. This creates a pad out of your traps. If you had a foam pad on the bar take it off and insert it into your vagina because you’re a little girl who is having her period. Having your arms and shoulders in this position also helps force your body into a chest-up position later.
Put your feet slightly wider than shoulder width apart. Feet pointed out like a duck. Now lift off. Do about ten warm up reps, going all the way down to a point where the line of your thigh between your hip and knees is parallel to the floor or lower. Pushing up, focus on moving as if you were trying to drive your feet though the floor instead of lifting weight off of it. Also focus on pushing your chest toward the ceiling. Training your body to squat like this will protect your knees and back, provided that you don’t do something completely retarded like maxing too much.
Now add some weight. If your normal weight for the squat is 200 lbs, do about 100 lbs. And do about 7 reps to warm up some more. Next do 150 for about 5 reps.  3-4 warm up sets is mandatory unless you want to blow out a knee. Finally do your normal weight for your normal reps.
There are no exercises that replace the squat. The leg press can be used for lower body training if your have permanent back problems that prevent you from squatting, but before you make this choice I advise you to consult a chiropractor. You never know what they might be able to do for you and squats are infinitely better than leg press. Honestly, fuck leg press. It’s bullshit. You will quickly work up to the 800-1000 lb range because this exercise is such bullshit, but it’s better than nothing.
Supplemental leg exercises are: leg extensions, leg curls, calf raises, front squats, box squats, sumo squats, dumbbell lunges, and sled pushing/ truck pulling.